Jeepers CreepersWhat follows is an email excerpt, so it may seem a bit disjointed at times.  It was written right after I saw the movie, and my disgust shines through brilliantly.  **CONTAINS LOTS OF SPOILERS**

Now onto Jeepers Creepers. I think it had one of the looooongest opening sequences in the history of cinema. Pointless dialogue between a brother and sister. Gee how exciting. Then the big nasty truck comes up and chases them. Ok, that was a little suspenseful. I would think that since the director has already established that they're brother and sister, he wouldn't need to have them talk anymore in the car.....but noooooo, they ramble on for a few extra minutes until they drive by the church of crows and see the guy toss a couple bodies down the pipe....then they TALK SOME MORE! Ah....FUCK!!!...ASS!!! I also wish they would've explained the old woman a little more. She obviously had some sort of ability to know the intimate details of their experience, but in the end, she says that she's just a crazy old woman (or something along those lines). If she's not psychic/clairvoyant how did she know the little details like his tattoo, or the cut hand? And lastly, Mr Jeepers Creepers, or whatever the fuck his name was. I just can't imagine some "evil force" sitting around the house listening to big band music on a phonograph, and doing needlepoint on human skin. Did he need skin to survive? If he did, what about the 600 bodies worth of skin superglued to the ceiling? Was all that other skin not good enough? I know, he just realized "Hey, I'm an evil force, and I need fresh skin from the male protagonist of the movie." ACK PFFFBBTT! Oh yeah, I asked Chris why the movie reminded him of the more superior Hellraiser. He said it was because the ending left you wondering what was going on. WHAT!!?? You're right, he's been inhaling too much methane. Well, that's $7 down the tubes, and not the one that leads to 600 bodies that no one around town has ever noticed missing. OH yeah, and another thing. The bodies that Mr Bristle Mullet threw down the pipe appeared to have their insides taken out and sewed back up right? Now, I'll leave a little room for imagination when it comes to horror flicks, but if they had their insides taken out, they would not be alive to start chatting up some putz that falls down a pipe. And that naturally leads to my next observation. If they were already sewn up, one can only conclude that Batwing Jones did that when he captured them. Now, I realize he's all about the evil, but you would think he'd abduct them, knock them out, take them back to his pad, and THEN do the disemboweling in a more relaxed private setting. That would make more sense than doing it at the scene of the crime. I could be wrong. Again, I say ACKPFFFFFBBBT!

Well, there you have it.  The movie simply sucked ass.  Don't rent it, unless you plan to get a liquored up and watch it MST3K style.  As a horrid side note, I was just checking out IMDB, and it looks like they doing a sequel entitled Like A Bat Out Of Hell.  Can't wait for that masterpiece.

RATING:  3/10


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